If I Lose 15 Pounds, I'll have so many More Friends!

Does this make me look fat?  I hope women can learn to stop asking that question.  It's something I'm working on.  I struggled with my self image for a long time because of weight, my looks, and other issues.  Today, I am at a much, much better place than I was many years ago.   My husband is awesome and has only made me feel beautiful.  Even when I was 9 months pregnant (all 4 times) he still wanted to snuggle with me and smack my behind and tell me how good I looked.  He never expected me to lose the baby weight within a set period of time.  He just loves me.  I'm very blessed in that way!
      As a kid I was a small to average sized girl until about age 16.  Steadily, I gained weight and was much bigger than I wanted to be.  Looking back, I now see that I wasn't huge, but I sure felt like I was.  As a cheerleader, I was definitely bigger than the other girls on the squad.  It really stunk when the super skinny girls would stand in front of the mirror and say, "I'm so fat."   I'd think, "Wow, if you think your're fat, what are you thinking when you look at me?"  You know they were just fishing for compliments and assurances that they weren't fat.  I was a punk and would respond by telling them they could exercise more if they felt like they needed to lose weight.  Rude!  Anyhow...  Aside from me having extra weight, I also was no head turner.  My parents allowed me to date when I turned 16.  My birthday couldn't come soon enough!!!  Well, it turned out to not be so great.  No boys asked me out.  I finally went on my first date 3 months after turning 16, but it was just with one of my best friends, so it didn't really count.  For the next 2 years I  mostly just went on dates with guy friends and I didn't have any boys reciprocate my feelings of "like" toward them.
      My Junior year of high school I attempted to lose weight by changing my diet.  This probably went on for a year.  Most days I ate Toasty Oats for breakfast, 1/2 of a plain bagel and some skim milk for lunch, and a snack after school.  I generally didn't eat supper, or not much of it.   I logged all of my calories and fat grams.  Recently I read in my journal where I wrote, " I had 14 grams of fat today.  I'm such a pig."   I wish nobody ever felt this way.   My obsession with all things Hollywood probably didn't help me build my self worth either!  So, these are just some of the things that contributed to me feeling fat and ugly.
 
     My first baby was born a year and half after my husband and I were married.  As most pregnant women, I too, did not like gaining all of that weight.  I was obsessed with losing the weight after she was born.  By obsessed, I mean I complained about being fat, but did nothing productive to lose the weight.  Somehow, I got back down to my pre-pregnancy weight, and then kept losing weight.  I was skinnier than I had ever been.  The lower weight was welcomed by me!  I loved being skinny and having people tell me how good I looked. ( Now, I'm at a place where praise like that doesn't matter.)  I had two more babies and the same thing happened.  Then, I had baby #4 and I turned 30.  I swear the day that I turned 30 my body changed in many ways!  My baby is nearly 2 and I have yet to return to my skinny clothes.  I never thought I'd be this way, but  most of the time, I really don't care.
      I used to feel the need to look my best, no matter where I was going or what activity I was doing.  I needed makeup on and hair fixed.   I was worried about what people thought about my double chin.  What if someone saw me doing yard work with messy hair?!  If my double chin was gone, how would that improve my life?!   It took a long time, but in my late twenties, I came to the realization that most people are not looking at my hair, clothes, shoes, extra gut rolls or make up.  And so what if they think I have on ugly shoes?  I can't live my life with the goal of looking good so that others will think highly of me.  Following Christ is my main goal.  Clothes, weight, looks.. these things are so trivial when looking at the big picture.  After I came to this realization, I did not gain 60 pounds, stop brushing my hair or stop wearing make up.  I love cute clothes, jewelry, pretty shoes and looking good.  I did however, come to a point where I now feel like it is okay to throw on a hat and some sweats to head to a garage sale.  Bed head in the carpool line is just fine.  In the past when I had bad hair days, it seriously frustrated me.  Now, if it happens, I have an attitude of " oh well".  It is so liberating to let go of those feelings.   I don't want to constantly think about what someone else might think about me- good or bad.  It's so UNimportant, not to mention exhausting!

  I'm not at a perfect place, I still concentrate on looks more than I'd like.  There are still days when I feel especially fat and let it get me down.  I hate feeling this way.  I couldn't care less if someone has frizzy hair or is obese, so why do I care if my thighs jiggle when I walk?!

Salt in His Shoes

The kids have been doing some funny things that I wanted to write down. Owen has had a crush on a girl at church, who is now 22. He used to sit with her at church and get excited to see her. He says they are just buddies, but she recently got married and he had some interesting things to say about that. She moved to Arkansas, which is where her husband is from. When I told Owen that she was moving, he rolled his eyes and said, "Just as I knew it! They have to move to where HE is from." I had their wedding announcement on the fridge and when I took it down, he said, "Good, you took it down. Now I don't have to look at his face." What a punk! He said he was just kidding. Yeah, right!

Noah just told me that he had a tear in his eye when he finished his math test today because he was so happy that he finally passed the subtraction set he had been working on. Noah is my sensitive one. We were talking to him about how when he gets older he won't like stuffed animals anymore. That made him cry. He said he didn't want to to think about a time when he wouldn't like his stuffed toys because he just loves them so much.

Emmy has been barking. Yep, she stands at the door and barks because she wants to go outside to see the neighbor's dogs. She barks at dogs on TV, in photos and barks at her stuffed dog. We showed the kids pictures from our Barbados trip and there were tortoises in one photo. Heidi and Owen, separately, asked if we rode them. Goofs! Owen put salt in his tennis shoes this morning because his friend told him that he read in a book that Micheal Jordan could dunk because he put salt in his. Owen tested it and he came in excited, and said that he was really close to dunking, but not quite there. Heidi doesn't really too much silly stuff, she is a smart aleck, though. She makes some good jokes. She does get emotional when tired and usually laughs at herself the next day for being so ridiculous. Things have been busy, but getting better. I worked part time for 2 months at the Brownstone in South Whitley, but am done with that, and I'm now focusing on Rolling Pin Bakehouse. The kids are doing swim lessons, but no other sports this summer. I think it will be pretty enjoyable to have more free time. Things are coming together for my bakery. I have a hearing with the zoning board next week. Hopefully, I get approved and get some more customers in the future.

Lots Goin' On

Emmy is cracking me up right now- she has a kleenex and keeps blowing her nose. So cute! She's doing better than her older brothers who use their sleeves! Owen lost his first tooth this morning at 6. Pretty exciting! So, our dryer has been on the fritz for about a week. We wanted to get it fixed before Chad and I leave on vacation, so Chad worked from home today and the repairman came. $88 and 15 min to find an old gift card, from some boy's pocket, stuck in the blower. I've got a guess as to which little boy forgot to empty his "credit card" from his pocket. Chad says we need to cut all of the pockets out of his jeans. Is there anything these kids won't break/ruin?! Heidi's school got to talk to the commander of the international space station. He got to choose one school out of the entire country! We just watched a video from the space station about a month ago and watched the space station zoom across the sky, before we knew that her school was going to talk to him. So, the boys were excited for her, but a bit jealous too. The commander is a Hoosier- gotta represent!! We've been busy trying to get things going with our businesses and get vacation stuff squared away and work. I'm ready to relax on the beaches of Barbados!!

Kickstarter and Rolling Pin Bakehouse

It was recently brought to my attention that I need to file an appeal to the zoning board in order to continue operating Rolling Pin Bakehouse. You can read more about it through the link below and find out how you can help! THANK YOU!!!

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/rollingpinbakehouse/rolling-pin-bakehouse

Rolling Pin Bakehouse

 Rolling Pin Bakehouse is a new home based bakery I've started at my home near Roanoke, Indiana.  As a home based bakery, l offer homemade deliciousness that customers can order by email or phone and then pick up by appointment at my roadside stand, located at 14401 Winters Rd- Roanoke.  Pick-up is available Monday-Saturday, by appointment.
Our web address is  www.rollingpinbakehouse.com    and we can be found on Facebook and Google + 
Our phone number is 260-918-3376

There was a short write up about the bakery in the Ft. Wayne Journal Gazette earlier this week. (Scroll down to NEW RESTAURANTS)  http://www.journalgazette.net/article/20130116/FEAT/301169994/1011/FEAT

Hopefully, I am getting my name out there.  I've had a couple of orders, but no booming business yet.  We just got the website completed about 2 weeks ago.  Chad did an EXCELLENT job with that!  We'll see how things go!!